90/10 principle

Discover the 90/10 Principle
Author: Stephen Covey

It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).

What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to
you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.

We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late
arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us
off in traffic.

We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You
determine the other 90%. How? …By your reaction. You cannot control
a red light. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people
fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over
a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over
what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you
react.

You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She
breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse
and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the
table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change
your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too
busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses
the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and
drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40
miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you
arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without
saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you
find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it
continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to
coming home.

When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with
your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you
reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently
say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time".
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and
your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the
window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves.
You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss
comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the
same. Both ended different.

Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The
other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says
something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll
off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment
affect you!

React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could
result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose
your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the
steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure
skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten
seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?

Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.

Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your
worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day.
Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no
control over what is going on.

Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get
stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10
principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will
lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very
few know and apply this principle.

The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials,
problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10
principle.

It CAN change your life!!!

My few cents worth:

We are bound to be dominated by our nafs and things get out of hand due to our own actions. Sometimes, in our marriage, we do not favour certain habits of our spouse. We have a choice, haven't we? We may approach in a pleasant way or vice-versa. Both will have two different results.

One more thing, maybe we do not learn enough patience when there are loads of this virtue found in the Qur'an. Are we being ignorant? Complacent?

I myself hope that I'll be able to put more patience in this marriage because I am sure that more challenges are here to stay. Most importantly is to keep reflecting and upgrading ourselves as Muslims so that we'll be able to understand more the meaning of a marriage with mahabbah and rahmah. May Allah be with us through the good and tough times.

The basis of marriage is not just love.. but more to it.

Completing half of your deen

31 Oct 2008 @ 8pm

Affectionately known as Lily to us 11 sekawan, she tied her knot yesterday nite at the MPH with the man of her choice, who fought in the same battle. Knowing her since the childhood years, only got to know her better after her volunteerism in Saff, and currently an usrah sister of mine.

1 Nov 2008 @ 3pm

Liana, a sister whom I've known since her teenage years when she was still in secondary school. We met again face to face, reunited once again during one of the Saff events where she was already an activist there. It's a pleasure to know that after all these years of trials, she has found the man of her dreams, also a Saff brother..

To the both of you, marriage is a wonderful place to be if you learn to understand each other. It needs a lot of patience as you are now dealing with another person, not you alone. It may be tough during the first stage, but keep on learning about one another and appreciate the strengths both of you have as a wife and as a team player... barakallaahu 'alaikum...


"Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash. "

~ Joyce brothers.

p.s Pictures will be uploaded later.

Tautan Hati

It was such an escapism from the realities of reading notes. Diverting from the English medium texts, I resumed to my normal routine of reading Malay novels. If you think it's the lovey dovey kind of storyline, sorry can't help you on that. Since it's an Islamic novel which can be labelled as 'Novel Pendidik Jiwa', it's a good outreach medium too. As da'ies you may find this book useful too as it reflects the methodologies of reaching out to different recipients in receiving the true life as a Muslimah, in particular.

I'm not a fast reader, unlike some people who can complete a thick novel in a day. This book has 785 pages. I was quite surprised that I could read 100+ pages for 3 hours after Subuh one fine day when I had my medical leave during Ramadhan. You can read more of the synopsis here. Anyway, the author is a few years younger than me. I really envy such a writer. That is something which I have yet to accomplish myself, but not having enough strength to do so...

Humaira Zakiah's BIG day...

26 Oktober 2008

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love." - Pearl S Buck

The hoopla of wedding affairs has begun with dear Kiah's. Held @ Sultan Mosque and its MPH. It was also a reunion with my Helwaa sisters and discoveries of mummies-to-be along the way...

Alhamdulillah, Kiah had tied the nuptial knot with Syakir, a friend of mine too whom I knew back then as an online friend. More responsibilities coming up and of course, it is not 'I' anymore, but 'We'. InsyaAllah with the experiences she had dealing with marital conflicts, that will help her to achieve marital bliss for a lifetime!

This is for my dearest Huda. You've been missed too. And insyaAllah I will try to update this site of mine the best I can...

Marriage is not about living under the same roof or about two people...

But marriage is also an institution where the renewal of faith for each other and rekindling the sparks remain... ;)

With my Lappy~

91 words

Typing Test

Previously, with the PC.
This, with the laptop. Zero errors.
Namanya menghilangkan stres... Hehe.

Speed!

87 words

Typing Test

Knowledge VS Wealth

Ali (RA) was once asked what was better: wealth or knowledge. He said, Knowledge is superior to wealth for ten reasons:

(1) Knowledge is the legacy of the prophets. Wealth is the inheritance of the Pharaohs. Therefore, knowledge is better than wealth.

(2) You have to guard your wealth but knowledge guards you. So knowledge is better.

(3) A man of wealth has many enemies while a man of knowledge has many friends. Hence knowledge is better.

(4) Knowledge is better because it increases with distribution, while wealth decreases by that act.

(5) Knowledge is better because a learned man is apt to be generous while a wealthy person is apt to be miserly.

(6) Knowledge is better because it cannot be stolen while wealth can be stolen.

(7) Knowledge is better because time cannot harm knowledge, but wealth rusts in course of time and wears away.

(8) Knowledge is better because it is boundless while wealth is limited and you can keep account of it.

(9) Knowledge is better because it illuminates the mind while wealth is apt to blacken it.

(10) Knowledge is better because knowledge induced the humanity in our Prophet to say to Allah, "We worship Thee as we are Your servant," while wealth engendered in Pharaoh and Nimrod the vanity which made them claim Godhead.

Lessons from Imam Al-Ghazali

What's the nearest to us in this world?
Death [ Ali Imran : 185 ]

What's the furthest then?
The past. We won't return to the past. Thus, treasure the present and the days to come with values of the Shari'a.

What's the biggest thing in this world?
Desires. [ Al-A'raf: 179 ]. Beware of our own desires. Don't let them lead us to the Hellfire.

What's the heaviest in this world?
Holding trust. [ Surah Al-Ahzab:72 ] The creation of God could not bear to be vicegerents on Earth. However, human beings were proud in carrying out this favour that led most of them to Hellfire due to their failures of keeping trust.

What's the lightest?
Leaving prayers. All due to our tasks, we leave them.

What's the sharpest in this world?
The tongue. People love to backbite and hurt others to satisfy their own needs.

Alhamdulillaah

One journey has ended with the start of a new beginning. My utmost gratitude to the Almighty for letting me see the path He has set for and allowing me to go through the rocky challenges, more of internal, I would say. It happened after all...

Thank you,

• Emak & abah for the wonderful years you've shared with me, the unconditional love.
• Nek Som, Mak Ana, and other aunties & grand aunties for the wonderful spread of food and delicacies
• Cik Dol & wife, for the deco (I was very choosy about this, asik kena jadi vetter saje)
• Busu, for the inai, hantaran deco and other gifts
• Huda, for being the maid of honour for all 3 days ( Thank you for taking a leave specially for my solemnization day)
• Bro Ian & Aida for the sweat and toil capturing our moments.
• Cik Ali & son for the video, and the wonderful wedding video product.
• RH, Kak Mas & Kak Nisa for the costumes and dolling me up.
• 11 sekawan for being there for me (the surprise bachellorette day! Nul & T for the pix, and Nan for the touching wedding message!)
• All family members during pre, present and post wedding prep without fail.
• Colleagues, friends, ikhwah and akhawat who came to celebrate this joyful occassion.

A special poem dedication to my husband above,

To my dear Zauj, Mohammad Hafiz Mustaffa...
It's something unimaginable, unthinkable...
This special relation through a meaningful process along the way...
Alhamdulillah...
Uhibbuka Fillah ya Habibi...

Thank you Allah for the peaceful moment shared between Us and You after ijab & qabul.

Unofficial wedding snaps @ http://divineserenity.multiply.com/

Almost a month

March has been good so far. It's more meaningful when you spent time with old time friends to reminisce the fun times you once had. It feels better too, to be able to share certain perceptions on certain things based on a personal experience, with a hope that others gain some learning points from it. The first step is the hardest. But it's the process that's important, and the end product resulting from it.

Mid-year exams for the short semester has ended for me, Alhamdulillah. The rest has another battle to face. All due to the big thing happening this end March that changed one of my mid-year seating papers.

After the entire term of hiatus on my CCA status, I started on my first badminton session with them. A boy's game indeed. There's only a girl in the team. It was fun. Glad that discipline was manageable too, Alhamdulillah. In addition, I'm able to keep up with a healthy lifestyle every week, wee!

Some takeaways...

Praise be to Him. I'm still alive and able to drop a short entry.
My sore throat is still painful.Seems to strike only at night. I thought I wanted to be a good worker by not having any MCs yet, but Allah has His plans. So I had 2 days MC last week, huhuh.

Well anyway, the short semester modules I'm taking currently are:

1. Creative Thinking & Problem Solving
2. Ethics & Fiqh in our everyday lives

Although the latter module has been covered in much focus separately from the previous sem, it's a fresh start to be viewing ideas and opinions in another perspective with another lecture.

There's another added responsibility recently. Since it's an amanah entrusted to me, I hope to be able to do it with sincerity, and more confidence. Maybe I'm not used to it due to the different group environment. I do not know whether it is a step ahead to greener pastures?

InsyaAllah, I'll be able to continue my postings another time.

With that, some phrases for us to ponder...

"God is a prayer away"
"Empowering prayers"
"Unshakable realities"

Ku Cari Damai Abadi

Aku cari bukan harta bertimbun-timbun,
Untuk hidup kaya,
Aku cari bukan wang berjuta-juta,
Untuk hidup bergaya,
Aku cari bukan kawan-kawan,
Untuk hidup sekadar berfoya-foya,
Aku cari mana dia Al-Ghazali,
Aku cari mana dia Al-Shafie,
Kita bongkar rahsia kitab suci,
Cari pedoman
Kita bongkar rahsia sunnah nabi
Cari panduan
Aku hidup kerana Dia Rabbi
Dialah teman
Dialah wali
Dia mencukupi
Aku hidup bererti
Menikmati damai abadi

Lirik: Poem by Dato Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi,
Song by: Ramli Sarip

Leraikan

Ya Allah Yang Maha Penyayang
Leraikanlah aku dari keluh kesah
Yang membelenggu jiwa dan fikiran
Ditambah dengan hasutan syaitan

Kurniakanlah kepadaku ketabahan
Singkapkanku hikmah segala ketentuan
Moga sinarMu berikanku pedoman
Hanya padaMu segala ketetapan

Seandainya diri ini
Mampu meraih cinta keredhaanMu
Seandainya akulah insan yang terpilih
Pimpini hidupku

I just hope to be a much better person.
To be able to lessen the hurt I might have caused to the people I love around me.
Directly or indirectly.
I am trying my best.

It has made be thinking.
And I pray that once all is done, things will take place nicely.
Not for worse, but a brighter future ahead.
On the verge of breaking down.
But saying to myself that things will be okay.

Let's see how it goes by the efforts done.

Me, the imperfect soul needing guidance.

Something to think about

"Ummat terdahulu diazab oleh orang kafir kerana benci dengan dakwah orang islam..orang kafir hari ni azab orang Islam kerana benci dengan perangai buruk mereka..Siapakah penyelamat akhlak ummat Islam skarang?"

Fikir-fikirkanlah...

Alwan Mini #003

Alwan Comics have published yet another Mini Alwan Comics Online #003. I regret the chance of contributing an entry for this new year's publication. I was having my final exams and only read the email for submission of entries a few days after the deadline (argh!). So, mabruk to fellow alwaniyyun who were successful in their submissions for the 1429H Alwan Comics, congrats!

To read it online, click here

On a serious note, I just received an email today...

"Assalamualaikum,

Pada 3hb Februari yang lepas, sahabat kita Ahmad Zafran telah pulang ke rahmatullah. Beliau yang lebih dikenali sebagai Panaharjuna atau JIhady (di dalam forum alwan) merupakan salah seorang penyokong dan pendokong awal gerakan alwancomics. Hanya Allah sahajalah yang mampu membalas segala sumbangan dan jasa baik beliau kepada diri saya khasnya dan kepada seluruh warga alwancomics umumnya.

Semoga rohnya dirahmati dan aman tenteram di alam sana.

Al-Fatihah buat sahabat dunia dan akhirat."

Sebagai warga alwancomics, serpihan tetap terasa. Have always seen his activism in the forum albeit virtual. For those who doesn't know him, he's a writer for PTS Publication. Some books from him are Sahabat Kole Kacang and 40 Lukisan Hati.

Ingatlah, kematian tidak akan pernah menyambut kita hanya dalam waktu peperangan...

Mulut masin

Orang kata, setiap apa yang kita lafazkan itu merupakan do'a.

And so, kids being kids.
Especially that special level that I taught.
Always spurting frank remarks.
Just because I looked 'abnormally' different to them today.

Usually ignoring.
But it was a bit different today.
Felt different after one particular loud remark.

'Awak tahu tak apa awak lafazkan tu, merupakan do'a?'
'Hati-hati bila hendak bercakap.'

So, it happened.
It did.

I was then reminded of that remark again

Mulut masin betul.

Maybe nak lindung you dari bencana lebih besar.
Said a colleague.

If it's true, thanks Allah.

Sejenak bersama kelasku

Aku mengajak mereka menyumbangkan perkataan yang bermula dengan huruf 'a' berpandukan irama yang aku nyanyikan...

Murid A: a-a-a-a-a-ayam
Murid B: a-a-a-a-a-ayah
Murid C: a-a-a-a-a-apa

Sedang mereka memberikan jawapan, seorang muridku yang paling vokal di kelas menyanyi sendiri (kerana vokalnya murid tu, suaranya pun memang kuat)...

Murid vokal: a-a-a-a-aku memang pencinta wanita... (lagu irwansyah)

Yang lain pun apa lagi, tergelak.

Kalaulah dia kata, a-a-a-a-a-Allah.. confirm I'd be more proud of him, heheh...

Us

A day spent with my dear sisters before the end of 2007.

A Brand New Path

At work, one of the ways to start the new year resolution is to jot down the school values on the star cards. Hopefully what they wrote down will be something they'll put into action. Then, the cards will be decorated at the school compound.

Values have got to do with the role of moral power. And it's the fundamental cause of man's rise and decline...

I'd like to share a story...

Mrs. Graudins uses another intervention with students that I call "heart-to-heart talks.” During her heart-to-hearts with Kevin, she always makes certain he understands that she likes him very much -- even though she might not always like his behavior. She lets him know that her responses to his behavior are part of her job. It is her responsibility to make him a better student and help him learn. He might be angry about what she has to do, and he might even be angry at her for doing it, but she always takes time to remind him that she is not angry at him and that she cares about him. She tells him this even when he seems to be tuned out or is having a bad day.

From time to time, Graudins announces to Kevin, “I'm so glad you're in my class.” And she means it! Now I'm willing to bet that's something he's never heard before!

This is not to say that Kevin doesn't still test Mrs. Graudins by acting out occasionally, but he is learning that she does not give up on him. She holds high expectations for him, and she lets him know that she thinks he is capable of living up to those expectations.

Mrs. Graudins works on the premise that all children need and deserve physical affection too. She makes sure Kevin receives his share of shoulder-to-shoulder hugs, back and shoulder pats, and plenty of high-fives and smiles. In the beginning, Kevin seemed a bit uncomfortable with that kind of attention and would stiffen his body. Mrs. Graudins didn’t react to that rejection, however. She knew his reaction might be caused by pent-up anger. Perhaps he reacted that way because accepting such attention was counter to the “tough guy” image he attempted to put up. Or maybe he just didn’t know how to respond. But it wasn’t long before Kevin relaxed. Maybe other students’ responses to Mrs. Graudins’s physical attention modeled the appropriate behavior for Kevin. In any case, now Kevin even initiates high-fives!

One kind of this takes a lot of patience and a never-give-up attitude. But with a chunk of these in one class is sure a challenge. This is one story I want to learn from...

I've heard them said
I've heard them told me
They'll test you...
And whats nots...

I know...
I'm sure it's a big challenge
Emotionally, Physically, Mentally

Perhaps, this is another step
To be given a colourful group
The tough ones...
But at least I want to try
Who knows I might make a difference?

To reach out to them
Weaknesses, I do...
Hopefully, the strength, I have
To unleash their inner strengths..
To be able, change albeit a zarrah..

A spark to start with..
A motivation...
A morale booster...
Shaping hearts...

Seek to understand, then to be understood..
It's not just WHAT you teach, but WHO you teach...

May He help me and those in the same strife to do good and guard their souls against the vices... Bright future ahead of them, if they believe...